At The begining I Died
by wolfairer
Summary: This is what happens when my friends get hold of my laptop and are bored out of their minds... Basically its really wierd and funny in some places but if you dont like wierd, dont read. Just for fun. Please leave a review.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi Wolfairer here. Don't worry this is not my work, my friends got hold of my laptop and decided to write this, don't worry my stories are in the process of being updated. So here you are my friends madness!**

America: ONCE UPON A TIME I WENT TO A SHOP AND I DIED. THE END...

Lid: Before i went to the shop my head was eaten off by a cow with a bad temper and then it pooped it back onto my body and then it blew up and aliens came to take its remains away to mars and then i took a massive dump in a PUBLIC TOILET where i met slenderman and he killed a child in front of me which was nice and then i killed him.

the end...

America: The aliens took away slendermans dead body and resurected him, they started expreimenting on him, cutting him open and pulling out his guts. So I became a ninja and stole a spaceship, I flew all the way to mars and kicked that aliens ass and saved slenderman. We then blew up their ship and it went BANG! and then after we got back to the PUBLIC TOILET and i killed him agan, burned his body and then threw it in a pile of cow shit and then i went into the woods and found a house made of candy and started eating it. Hansal and gretal came out of the house and started beating me with a big ass candy cane, I called my friend the ginger bread man and he came on a big red dragon smoking cigars, he then started beating their ass with nunchucks and a big stick. I threw hansal and gretal into a well and then ate the rest of the candy house.

Lid: My butt way hung out my jeans after all that shizz and so i decided to go to the supermarket and get some new pants and then i saw the slender game in the games section so i nicked it and then went home and just as i started collecting the first clues there he was on the other end of my flashlight so i screamed and my face blew off.

America: Then I woke up and jumped out my bed and out the window, I fell onto a big pot of gold where a leprochaun said hello to me, I told him to piss off cause id just gotten out of the bed and was tired. I stole a car, stole the big pot of gold and ran him over multiple times, a banana came out of nowhere and jumped on my windscreen screaming at me to stop the car, I got out my machine gun and blew his ass up, a mush of banana splatted all over my pot of gold, so I went to a car wash where my pot of gold was soaked so I machetted the owner of the car wash and used his head as a football, then i fed the dead body to my cat.

Lid: My cat was actually an alien which had survived from me killing them and he had come to get slenderman's ashes so they could make an army of him so he dug him up while i was having my morning bowel movement and ate his ashes, he ran back to his space pod which was in the forest previously mentioned and flew back to what was left of his home planet and then threw up slendys ashes...or what was ashes now it was gooey gross vom and then he stuck the vom in the clone machine and cloned it and then he realized he was stupid and he had just cloned his own vomit so he imploded.

America: The army of cloned aliens escaped from their lair and ate all the other aliens, so I stole a jet pack and flew all the way to mars to kick their ass and save planet earth! however the alien had a giant pile of goo who was actually made out of jelly, so I ate him, NOM NOM NOM! GREECE then came out of nowhere and tried to beat me with his big shlonggggg, so I got my shlonggggg out which was 50 times bigger and we started having a sword fight. But all that jelly i had eaten made me feel sick and i vomited all over Greece, he then tried to punch me so i bit his arm off with my pirahnah teeth, I then threw oil all over him and set him on fire. I laughed my ass off while he ran around screaming his head off. I then peed on him.

Lid: So after i had laughed like a crazy person (coz there is no way i am from what i have done in this story *sarcasm*) i grabbed the very red greece and took him to silent hill and gave him to pyramid head to kill and then pyramid head sent the crazy sexually starved nurses with messed up faces after me and i got stabbed in the eye by one but i was ok with it coz i always wanted to be a pirate and i let the nurse thing have my eye and nicked her bra and used it to cover my bleeding eye socket and then i went to the nightmare funfair and went on the merry go ride which was on fire and then i made out with some thing in a bunny suit and the i set fire to it coz i love setting things on fire and i left silent hill and went for a walk in a graveyard.

America: Where a vampire came along, we had a nice chat about blood and shit, and he asked me where I got my cool bra from, I told him that he shouldnt be so rude and to keep his eyes off my amazing bra. He then said hed eat me so i said bowchickawowow and pulled his ears off, he ran away crying like a big girl, then I ate his ears.

Lid: Then Bob the Builder came from literally no where and farted in my face and thne vanished and then the telletubbies kidnapped me and forced me to eat pancakes with smiley faces on them and then they tied my hands up and slit my throat and then NOONOO cleaned my blood up but somehow i was still alive...

America: I WAS A GHOST MOFO! I decided to go scare the crap out of slenderman so I ate his muffin ;) which was tastehhhhhhhh, I then had a light sabre fight with luke and used the force, but gandalf came and raised his big staff like a weird mofo and made everyone DIE! but i was already dead so I wooped his ass.

Lid: And during this wholething i still had a huge shlonggg hehehe

America: ...BUT SHMEAGLE CAME AND BIT IT OFF.

Lid: And so coz he ate my dodah he became me and i died but i was still alive coz he was me and then a goat came and butted me into wall and then i finally passed that flippin bowel movement i had been waiting for for sooooo long and then i weed on him and turned into a woman.

America: I used my bra that I was using for my eye patch for my maoosiveeee boobs! I then felt them alot, cause I like boobs ALOT.

Lid: My eye socket felt wierd coz it was empty so i killed a girl called susan and used her eye and put it in my eye socket. Then i went back to silent hill and married pyramid head because i was now a woman and had needs which needed satisfying so for some reason i went for some wierd dude with a metal pyramid for a head and we had babies, also wondering how that is possible but oh well. Hellboy ran into the furnace where pyramid head, my new husband lived and he killed him so i married him and had his babies and then the telletubies made porn

America: ...HELLBOY WAS A WHORE AND CHEATED ON LIZ, SO SHE RIPPED OFF HIS BALLS AND STUFFED THEM DOWN HIS THROAT.

Lid:And then pyramid head came back coz hes awesome...kinda and he sliced everyone up and then made stew out of them...and that is how i died.

THE END...OR IS IT? ;)


	2. Chapter 2

In the Middle I Died

Lid-So after my 1st adventure I was dead yet again and as a ghost it wasnt much fun so I decided to possess some idiot's body. Wondering along some street somewhere I came upon a wman stood on a street corner with a very slutty dress on shoving her chest out like some wierdo so I put two and two together and figured out that she was a prostituteand I thought "What the heck" and I possessed her and made her dance to Thriller like some freak. Then France came along and I discovered that he was the prostitute's pimp daddy and all his 'girls' wore fanta bottle labels around their wriststo show that theyu worked for him coz he loves fanta.

America- France came up and was like 'hoe go find someone to screw, I NEED MONEYZZ' so I was like 'HELL NO!' and punched him in the face, and made his nose bleed, which made him look less like a ferret. He threw his banana condoms at me and I was like 'YO SCREAMIN BANANA' he slapped my ass for being weird and then I realised I was meant to be a prostitute.

Lid- And then I decided that coz I was meant to be a prostitute I would be one for my 1st husband, Pyramid Head and I lived as his personal prostitute for 20 years and then I went back to pimp daddy France and I hired Dumbledor to turn him into a real ferret and then I gave him to my husband and he ate him...somehow...I dont know how coz he has no mouth.

America- but he vommited it up and cloned it and there was headless ferrets running around because he used his head as an ashtray. Pyrimid then smashed all the ferrets with a hammer and stewed them up with BANANAS!

Lid-And then the stew was eaten by all the creatures in Silent Hill. And Bob the Builder came back and farted in one of the sexually starved nurses faces and then he dissappeared again. Then somewhere in the world a tomato exploded...

America- MY SPOON IS TOO BIG! I just couldnt eat my cereal with this oversized spoon and I lost my ickle spoon which made me sad, I WANTED TO EAT MY COCO POPS, SO I USED MY HANDS WHICH MADE ME VERY MESSY SO I WENT FOR A SHOWER BUT SCREAMED AS I REACHED THE BATHROOM. A giant spider was sitting right there in my tub, I got a newspaper and squashed that sucker, and washed him down the drain.

Lid- It came back up the drain. The giant spider was in labor and it gave birth to 300 babies right in front of me and I got scarred for life, yay. After that lovely viewing I decided to go to the pub and then I remembered that I was now a woman so I went to a lesbian bar instead and saw Iggy who wanted to give me a personal striptease but I told her I wasnt interested coz I was married to a guy with a pyramid for a head and then Iggy went to the pole and danced like a crazy person.

America- Which tbh should have been put in a straight jacket, as he was a suicide bomber, as he blew up the bar, and there was blood all over the walls, the spider dared me to lick some blood off the remaining wall, so I did, it tasted nice so I started eating the dead peoples hands and eating their faces off. But i ate a mans face with a moustache which made me puke as the hairs got stuck in my throat.

Lid-Then Slenderman came in with a bra and short skirt on and that made him look very funny and he was no longer scary, not that he had ever been to me so I let him live this time. The telletubbies made more porn.

America- Then i caught slendy watching it and I was like :O! you dirtehhhh bugger! and started watching it but i dont know why.  
Lid-Then I joined in.

America- Then all of a sudden a giant bannana came out of nowhere and shoved a small banana up tinky winkys ass and i ran away scared.

Lid-And then slendy came with me and we got married and now I have 3 husbands and then I killed them all with Pyramis head's big sword and went and lived in the Antarctic.

america- where a eskimo set his dog on me and i was like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET YOUR WIFE ON A LEASH! I then slipped on the ice and fell down a big hole, but I have wings so it was alright.

Lid-So as I flew in the sky, wondering how the friggin heck I got wings I flew into a plane and it blew up and then all the people that were on it fell onto a cloud which was actually a space ship in discuise and it took them away and they were harvested and put into burgers with horsey in them.

america- I went to the shop to buy some skittles, and shoved some skittles up the shopkeepers nose, and he snorted them all over me so I shoved the skittles so far down his throat he was shitting out rainbows.

Lid- i RODE THAT RAINBOW LIKE I RIDE MY 3 HUSBANDS!

America- Then i died...or did I?


End file.
